England win BBC Team of the year Award

A year which commenced topsy-turvily with the Moores-Pietersen rift has culminated with the English cricket team winning the BBC team of the year award following their Ashes' heroics. From the test series loss in the Caribbean to the ODI series win in the Rainbow Republic, it has been a roller-coaster ride for England and skipper Strauss confirmed as much : "Yes, it has been a roller-coaster ride", before adding : "much like Bopara's test performances this year".

While the BBC Sports Personality of the year ceremony was taking place amongst much glitz and glamour in Sheffield, the England team could only be part of it via the webcam on Strauss' laptop since they were in a remote village outside Johannesburg in preparation of the test series against South Africa. All of the players were seated in their chairs and were looking on intently at the laptop on the table in front, which then served as the podium for Strauss. The captain, amidst wild applause from Sheffield, stood on the podium and held the laptop aloft when the cameras at the ceremony focussed on the trophy. The players, meanwhile, gasped in amazement as they marvelled at the technology they saw before their eyes. The nearby villagers, however, remained distinctly unimpressed. In fact, one of the locals remarked to a bystander nearby : "Seems like they a tribe from the 18th century who have seen technology for the first time", to which the bystander replied : " Yaa, almost like they are from Durban. Maybe they are from Hillcrest like Sir Wernich", much to the amusement of all those who heard.

At the same time, Strauss got set to deliver his speech. His chest, filled with pride, was puffed out and his head was tilted skywards at a 45 degree angle as he wore a smug look. A stern looking Flower then got onto the table and wiped the look off Strauss' face with his handkerchief before cautioning him : "We have talked about this before, Straussy. The Ashes win is only a starting point and not the end. Lets not make the mistakes of 2005 when the team took their eyes of the ball amidst drunken celebrations". Strauss, realising the error of his ways, nodded twice in approval; while back in Sheffield, Freddie Flintoff was seen raising a bottle of Namaqua and drinking to that.

Strauss then proceeded with his speech. Initially he echoed Flowered sentiments after which he read out from a sheet of paper: "Our lofty goals include becoming the numero uno team in tests. We have started working towards this with a combination of predetermined amounts of hard work, rest, enjoying each others success and creating a relaxed atmosphere for the team so that everyone feels at ease whether we are playing home or away. We are also looking to improve in the limited-overs formats by playing a more positive brand of cricket and the results are starting to show already as our series win in South Africa shows. In fact, looking back at the 1-6 loss against Australia at home its safe to say we have come a long way already, 5617 miles actually for those who want to keep track of our progress".

As I looked on, I began to ponder if there was any truth to what Strauss was talking about so I decided to randomly observe two of the players and ended up with Pietersen and Trott. Good choices, I believed, given the former is a senior pro in the team while the latter is the newest member. Watching them go about their business, I could see where Strauss was coming from. Despite being in the backyard of tough opponents and in an unfamilar environment, both Pietersen and Trott looked very comfortable. It was as if they were right at home. In fact had I not known any better, I would have been convinced they were born and bred South Africans! Preposterous thought, I know. Although if you let your mind wander for a bit and consider the possiblity, just how wonderfully ironic would it be if a couple of South Africans were to play against South Africa!

Meanwhile, Strauss concluded his speech by thanking everyone, the Aussies in particular for being rubbish enough to lose to England. It was a wonderful speech that promised much and gave hope of a brighter the future for the team. The players then considered playing snakes on their phones but were rebuffed by Flower. The coach told the team to hit the sack as it dawned on him that it was past their bed time, bringing an end to an eventful evening.

Farmers seek ban on the term "couch potato"

Alright so this may not exactly be headline news but that is only because its old now. For those whose memory is a tad rusty, the story was that the British Potato Council wanted the term 'couch potato' out of the Oxford Dictionary. Apparently, the epithet has a detrimental affect on the vegetable's healthy image. That really is a shame because potato is the healthiest of the non-green vegetables. Or maybe a close second to carrots, unless I am forgetting a few others. Nonetheless, the point is it is more likely to be closer to the top than the bottom.

Now in case you are wondering of the connection this has with cricket, the answer lies with the butterfly effect. The small change of removing an expression from the dictionary could trigger a chain of events which could ultimately lead to the destruction of our glorious game! However, that is not where the coherence ends. Following my years of extensive research on the matter, I have (almost) managed to prove that the farmers started their protest because of their utter dislike for test cricket. Lets face it, test cricket fans are the worst offenders, i.e. they are couch potatoes who through sun and rain sit in front of their television sets for 7 1/2 hours a day for 5 successive days to watch a sport that most people in the world don't even know about! They are, therefore, directly responsible for giving potatoes a bad name.

Luckily, though, the guardians of the Oxford English Dictionary have a strong affinity towards test cricket. The fact that no phrase has ever been removed from the dictionary proves this. Thus, even in the face of gruelling attack of protests from the farmers, they held on by being positive in defence showing both solid technique and excellent temperament. And so test cricket has dodged another bullet aimed at its existence. Only just!